the right way to fight with your partner...

o di ba... paano daw mag-away ng maganda para mas maganda ang pagsasama...


Marriage: Fighting fair
Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board

There's no such thing as a conflict-free marriage. You will fight — and you'll simply disagree. In fact, if you don't have an occasional quarrel, one of you is probably holding something in, which isn't healthy. But there is a good way to fight. An effective fighting style is an essential ingredient of a good marriage. Judith Wallerstein, in her book The Good Marriage, recommends using these strategies to reach an agreement:

Agree on how you'll disagreeMost couples who fight effectively have actually made rules about how to do it. What does this mean? They've recognized the inevitability of conflict and know how to deal with it. In calmer moments, talk about how you want to handle arguments. You might agree never to go to bed angry, or that when a disagreement arises, you'll take a walk together to talk things out.

Fight niceIt's essential that you argue without belittling your spouse. In a good fight, you should be able to fight freely, without the fear that one of you will walk out the door. Don't call names, blame, or drag the kids into the argument — there are no winners in these situations.

Don't digressThough some couples just seem to have the same fight over and over, try not to bring up every — or any — past grievances when you argue. Instead, focus on the immediate issue at hand ("I wish you'd noticed that Julia needed her clothes changed") rather than a general situation ("You never pay any attention to what the baby needs!").

Take time outWhen things heat up, take a break. This will help you avoid moving into the realm of the irrational. Later, when you've both cooled down, talk to each other and ask: "How do we resolve this? Let's really talk about how we feel and how we can fix it." It's also a good idea to move some arguments behind closed doors, especially if you're arguing about the baby.

Make up loudlyOr at least in front of the kids. No matter how old they are, they need to know that it's okay for their parents to fight, as long as they reach a resolution. With older kids, you can let them know you've reached an agreement, a compromise, or a solution, or simply agreed to disagree. Let babies see you be affectionate and nurturing toward each other. Nothing benefits children as much as seeing that their parents can differ and then resolve a conflict, and make up in a loving and caring way.

married couple's secret to long life...

nabasa ko lang sa BabyCenter.Com... maybe we can try...


Unexpressed anger in marriage may shorten lifespanFri, Feb 8, 2008 (HealthDay News) — Experts say the secret to a long marriage is communication, and new research now notes it's also the key to a long life.

A lengthy study of Midwestern couples finds that those who felt free to express their feelings lived longer than the perennially resentful. The couples with the most unexpressed anger died the earliest.

"The worst thing to do is to keep it in, not talk about the problem, brood about it, and be continuously angry," said study author Ernest Harburg, professor emeritus at the University of Michigan School of Public Health. "Not talking about the problems in your close relationship is not good for your longevity.

"The findings may seem obvious, but Harburg said previous research hadn't pinned down a connection between lifespan and level of marital communication. It's important, he said, to confirm what seems to be so.

Harburg and his colleagues have been following 192 couples from the small town of Tecumseh, Mich., for 17 years. The study, published in the January issue of the Journal of Family Communication, examines what happened to them between 1971 and 1988.

About 14 percent of the couples were defined as "anger-in" types, meaning both spouses developed resentments and failed to resolve problems. "They don't talk about the problem, and when they do, they just start fighting again," Harburg said.

After the mortality rates among the participants were adjusted for the impact of things like heart disease and smoking, the "anger-in" couples still died earlier than couples who handled anger in other ways.

Of the 192 couples studied, both spouses in 26 pairs suppressed their anger; there were 13 deaths in that group. With the remaining 166 couples, there was a total of 41 deaths. Both spouses died in 23 percent of the mutual suppression couples during the study period, compared to 6 percent of the other couples.

The better approach, Harburg said, is to work together. "You listen, you don't interrupt, you hear the other person, you talk back and forth. And then you use your imagination, resolve the problem and come to some kind of consensus.

"Still, the findings did turn up some evidence that mutual open communication might not be entirely a good idea. The couples who seemed to live the longest were those in which the man expressed his anger and the wife held hers in.

Janice Kiecolt-Glaser, director of the Division of Health Psychology at Ohio State University College of Medicine, said it's clear that marital interactions affect the body. "We know that couples who are nasty or hostile with each other when discussing disagreements showed larger increases in stress hormones and greater dysregulation of immune function as a consequence," she explained.

Kiecolt-Glaser and her colleagues published a study in which they found that small blister wounds on a forearm took two days longer to heal in couples who were hostile to each other.

While the new study isn't as complete as it could be, Kiecolt-Glaser said, it does show "the importance of good communication that is consistent over time.

"Harburg agreed. "If you're committed to using your intelligence and your creativity to stay in the relationship and solve the problems, then you'll get through all the rough patches," he said.

snow experience... photos

last Feb 6, Ash Wednesday, malakas ang snow pero nagchurch pa rin kami...
nakatuwaan ko lang magkuha ng pics, kasi soooobrang lamig!


snow sa walkway ng apartment namin...


kotse ng kapit bahay namin na hindi umalis that day...


inside ng kotse namin... hindi na lang namin inalis yung frozen snow sa windshield...
buti na lang malapit lang yung church...


ang driver... giniginaw!


sa church parking lot... ok wala ng parking markings...




ang leafless, lifeless looking frozen trees...


shrubs na mukhang puno ng bulak...


nakakapose ka pa dadi ha! ginaw na ginaw na yan!

snowplay... again

hindi pa rin namin napapagsawaan ang snow...

actually, no choice kami kasi kung hindi mo ie-enjoy ang snowy weather makukulong ka lang sa loob at mababagot at made depress... kaya why not bundle up and play!

heto ang aming latest creation ni sebastian sa snow...

valentines...

ok, valentines naman...

so from my previous blog hindi na nga kami nakapag dinner sa labas. the afternoon ng Valentine tinawagan ako ni dadi bernard at sabi wag na daw ako magluto at magTaco Bell na lang kami (romantic ba?!?). romantic! kasi alam nyang nagke-crave ako ng taco and it shows i'm in his thoughts... di ba?

when he arrived, sabi nya sha ang magaayos ng dinner... OK for me! pero pinapasok pa nya kami ni sebastian sa bedroom habang naghahanda sha ng "special Taco Bell dinner".

habang nahahanda sha ng dinner (dahil alam ko naman na he wants to make it special) nagbihis ako as-if we will go out...

pagkatok nya at ready na pinagclose eyes pa ko... tapos may background music pa (The Only One by Lionel Richie, yung song namin)... tapos candle light... nakakatuwa!

lalu akong natuwa kasi nakita ko may Valentine gift pa rin sha sakin (kahit medyo mahal na yung anniv gift) tapos (drum roll please...) may Lasagna! --isa pa sa one week ko nang kine crave pero nakakatamarang lutuin hehehe... huwag maliitin ang Lasagna dahil talagang nagsearch pa sha sa internet where to find the BEST LASAGNA around our place... o di ba super special?

ewan ko kung sa tubig lang namin, o sa weather, o sa magiging bagong "addition"... pero napaka romantic ng aking hubby nowadays and i intend to enjoy it while it lasts hehehe...

iLy, Dadi... and thank you very much...

anniversary...

last February 13, five years...
yes, ganun na pala ang years na together kami ni dadi bernard as married couple. pero parang hindi pa ganun ang feeling... although parang nalagpasan na namin ang adjustment period, yung sweetness and sexiness hindi pa...
we still sleep the same way we slept the first time... all points touching. kapag magkaaway lang kami hindi nagta-touch, pero minsan kapag nagtouch na yung paa namin paggising bati na kami...
we still talk like friends... although ngayon may additional "barkada" na kami na nakikidaldal (Sebastian) and does most of the talking...
we still make special occassions, special...

like this anniversary... sana sa labas kami magdi dinner, anniversary/valentine. kaso nagkasakit yung "kabarkada" naming maliit... so nagstay na lang...

pero the morning before na surprise na ako... kasi (being preggy again) i usually, wake up in early mornings to wee-wee. nung dumaan ako ng kitchen para uminom ng tubig, nagulat ako sa nakita kong paper bag! pero mas napansin ko yung letter na nakalitaw... binasa ko agad... and shempre na-touch, i went back to bed and hugged my loving one and only na gumising at naghihintay na sa pagbalik ko... kasi yung paperbag walang laman, nasa kanya hehe... hindi naman ako napahiya kasi hindi ko pa tinitignan yung loob...


yung love letter... short and concise pero nandun lahat yung feelings na hindi nya usually sinasabi (si dadi bernard kasi medyo madalas NR - No Reaction). pero it touched me deeply kasi alam kong it's a little difficult to a man to express his thoughts... pero dyan ako nai-in-love sa hubby ko... he never fails to touch my heart in simple words he puts into writing (kahit for special occassions lang)

i love you dadi... forever...

may gift din naman ako sa kanya at na surprise din sha bago nagpunta sa office... :-)